Gird your loins<\/a>,\u201d and the world said, \u201cBet.\u201d That Tuesday\u2014or maybe it was even that Monday\u2014I sobbed in my mother\u2019s arms. It was hard not to. It was hard not to feel like the world was going to end. It still kind of is. She hugged me, and assured me that this is the way it always is. It\u2019s scare tactics. They all do this type of shit to seem high and mighty, and to make their voters feel like they made the right choice, but then the checks and balances and the stagnant nature of the government as a whole make their big promises crumble. I\u2019m choosing to believe her. I\u2019m trying to, but I\u2019m scared those checks and balances might go away. But I keep reminding myself: Do not obey in advance.<\/p>\n\n\n\nSomeone play Fall Out Boy because Sugar? We are going down swinging. It ain\u2019t over till it\u2019s over, and even then, it ain\u2019t over till I win. Times like these are when it pays off to be stubborn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The week after that wasn\u2019t much better. It was the same thing over and over. I felt like I was being crashed by waves again and again and again; every time I tried to catch myself, water filled my lungs instead. I wanted to leave. I wanted to go anywhere<\/em>. But then I kept asking myself, \u201cWhere would I go?\u201d Nowhere feels safe anymore. Nowhere on planet Earth seems far enough to escape. I guess I\u2019m going to the moon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Maybe I\u2019ll leave one day, for now I\u2019m staying here. Here. Here<\/em>. What do I do while I\u2019m here?<\/p>\n\n\n\nI\u2019ve been trying to figure that out these past two weeks. I\u2019ve been trying to figure that out for forever<\/em>. I think I landed on an idea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n
\n
I mentioned before how I feel as though I\u2019m waiting for everything to happen. I talked about it a lot in my last post, especially how I was wondering if the things, specifically the good things, I\u2019ve been waiting for would even happen if all I do is wait. I have decided that I need to take action.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m not too sure how much I\u2019m going to share about this with you all, even though I\u2019m pretty sure the only people who read my blog are the people who I am okay with knowing about this\/already do know about this. But still, I have to think about how much of this I want on the internet. For now, I\u2019ll say this: I\u2019ve known for a while now that the meaning of life is love. It\u2019s about finding people you love, and ones who love you back. It\u2019s about doing things you love, and figuring out what those things are. It\u2019s about learning how to love, the pain that comes with love, and simply the action of loving. But I\u2019ve come to learn that life is also about change. Life is about the change that happens around us, to us, and because of us. It\u2019s about how we react to change\u2014how we adapt to it, if we do. Life is about the changes we control and the ones we do not. For too long I have been a bystander or a passive recipient to the change happening in my life. For once, I want to take control, and what I can control is me. Life is changing all around me. I may as well change with it.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
doesn’t the mark on the wood (the one centered in the photo) look like a bear? or perhaps a dog<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve decided to be annoying with this. You see, I often make sense of my life by putting it in narrative terms. Hell, that\u2019s kind of why I even have this blog. Making my life into a story helps me understand it better. It helps me like it better, too. So, for my plans to change\u2026 me? My life? Both? I have decided that I will make them literal plans. You know how in chick flicks about, like, becoming cool in high school or making someone fall in love with you there\u2019s always a multi-step plan that the characters actually follow throughout the movie? Yeah, I\u2019m doing that. 10 Ways to Like Your Life Again,<\/em> or something. It\u2019s stupid, I know, but so am I. So is life.<\/p>\n\n\n\nFor whatever reason\u2014probably something undiagnosed\u2014the way life is supposed to be has never worked out for me. I\u2019ve always been weird and I\u2019ve always done stuff in nontraditional ways. I guess when your life is inverted, you learn how to do everything backwards. What seems strange to everyone else just makes sense to me, and vice versa. So yeah, maybe this plan is stupid. Maybe I\u2019m saying all the things that are supposed to quiet out loud. Maybe I\u2019m doing everything wrong, but I can\u2019t remember a time I ever did anything right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m a clown, you know? The greatest fuckin\u2019 showman. I look weird and I act weird. I just want to put smiles on people\u2019s faces, but sometimes I just make them cry. Sometimes I get made fun of. Sometimes I make fun back. It\u2019s awful, and it\u2019s wonderful, and I\u2019m scared of it, and I love it, and it’s all just a lot of fun, you know? Da joker is me, baby.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 Who am I again?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s strange. It\u2019s like I know the core of who I am, but none of the outer stuff. Oobleck. You know what it is, but what is it? I\u2019m not the same person I used to be. Not from two years ago, or one year ago, or maybe even one month ago. I feel like a slug without a shell. Or Venom without a host. I\u2019m a shapeshifter who shifted a bit too much and now I\u2019m just a blob. I don\u2019t necessarily need to stop being a shapeshifter, I don\u2019t think I even want<\/em> to stop being one, but I need to find some form again. I need some shapes that I feel comfortable being in for long periods of time. I feel like Envy from Fullmetal Alchemist <\/em>if you’ve ever seen\/read that. Envy is a shapeshifter who, when not posing as a particular being, defaults to this one look. They have two true forms (one when powerful, and one when weak), but those aren\u2019t the most convenient to go day-by-day as, thus the default look. I need a new default. Maybe a couple, if I really can\u2019t choose.<\/p>\n\n\n\nFullmetal Alchemist.<\/em> Oh, Fullmetal Alchemist<\/em>. That show (Brotherhood<\/em> (2009), the superior one) changed my life. I remember when I realized it did. It was lockdown times. I was watching an episode on my own. I forgot which episode it was, and I could probably go back to find it if I wanted to, but it doesn\u2019t really matter. What matters is that I was watching an episode alone. This was rare. The first time I watched the series, I did so with my brother. I only watched one or two episodes on my own, and one of the times I did, I was looking at all these characters on the screen and I was thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t know if I want to be them or be with them. \u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026Wait. Shit.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\nAt that point, I was pretty sure I was queer in some capacity, so realizing I had a bit of a crush on some of the female characters wasn\u2019t that shocking. What shocked me was the fact that I had envy for some of the male characters. Then, I realized I had envy for Envy<\/em>. They had all the gender and no gender, and all the pronouns and no pronouns, and could be anything or nothing, and was just so cool<\/em>. Oh to be jealous of jealousy itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\nI\u2019ve never really talked much of my gender before with anyone, mostly because I never felt a huge desire to. In fact, the mystery was part of my gender for a while; I liked people being confused about it. I still do to some extent, but I now find myself wanting to be more explicit about it. A bit more than a week ago, I hung out with some friends and the conversation ended up with me talking about my gender, and I realized just how good<\/em> it felt. I gotta do that more. I don\u2019t really want to scream, \u201cMY GENDER\u2019S FUCKED!!!!!\u201d from the roofs of town square, but I oughta be more courageous in presenting the way I want to. I\u2019ve realized that for the past couple of months\u2014maybe years, I\u2019m not sure\u2014I\u2019ve been living in a way that\u2019s easier for others. I can\u2019t do that anymore. Not if I want to look in the mirror and see me<\/em>. My timing on all this sucks considering the political climate, but also I\u2019m not so sure there ever was a time where it wouldn\u2019t suck. We live life not because it\u2019s easy, but because we must. I\u2019m here not because I want to be, but because I am. I\u2019m me, because it’s impossible to be anything else.<\/p>\n\n\n\nI\u2019m still figuring out what being me entails, and perhaps I\u2019ll always be in the process of figuring that out, but all I know is\u2026 look out \u2018cause here I come.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I really hope you get that reference because it\u2019s a genius callback. I\u2019m so smart and talented.<\/p>\n\n\n\nSpeaking of my smarts and talent, it\u2019s time to talk about my fanfiction. Yay!!!!!!! I will be posting my fanfic sometime after I upload this here post, which it\u2019s probably, hopefully up by the time you\u2019re reading this! It\u2019ll only be the first chapter, but it\u2019s, like, 10 pages, so go have fun with that! I\u2019m about halfway through chapter two. That chapter is going well, though I\u2019m not sure how I\u2019m going to end it to be honest. I might just keep writing until I find myself at a natural stop. Sometimes you gotta trust that your story will lead you to where you need to be. Hm. I wonder if that\u2019s a metaphor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have to say this. It\u2019s stoopid with two O\u2019s, but I just have to say this. I just gotta. Y\u2019all\u2026 I may be a fujoshi, like, 50% of the time\u2026 but I\u2019m also just a boy, dude. Crying emoji. I\u2019m only saying this because I was telling someone about my fanfic yesterday and she was side-eyeing me and saying, \u201cSo it\u2019s all about the men.\u201d I think she was joking\u2026 for the most part\u2026 but nonetheless I need to say, as my own affirmations, that there is nothing wrong with writing from the perspective of or about men, regardless of your gender or sexuality or whatever. If you\u2019re a girl who likes shipping men or talking about male characters, then who gives a shit, bro. If you\u2019re a boy who likes to do the same, then who! Gives! A! Shit! Bro! Let the fujoshis live. Let the gents live. Just\u2026 Just! Whatever, dude! PLEASE don\u2019t call me a misogynist for writing about men. It’s just fanfiction. Crying emoji heart emoji.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On that note, I have figured out a pseudonym. Well, I actually already had it in mind. I was just building up the courage to share it with you guys. The pseudonym is, ahem: Hades. It\u2019s nice, no? Let me share my reasoning behind it because it\u2019s actually so good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hades is of course the ancient Greek god of the dead and king of the underworld. Right away we have things that just make sense for me. I have a mild interest in death, I would say. I\u2019m somewhat of a Goth Lite. I\u2019m especially interested in the afterlife and undead, so the idea of being king to a bunch of ghosts sounds pretty awesome, not gonna lie. Then, it\u2019s the idea of being king. Even before I knew I had funky gender, I preferred masculine versions of some words\/titles for myself, even if I didn\u2019t really mention it. Queen is nice, don\u2019t get me wrong, but king just has that extra kick of gender euphoria. I\u2019m a girl who\u2019s a king. Get over it. And then, there\u2019s the whole god thing, which yeah, maybe<\/em> I do have some sort of complex. We\u2019ll deal with that some other time.<\/p>\n\n\n\nLooking at Hades in the media, two of my favorite versions of him come from Hercules<\/em> (1997), one of my favorite Disney movies, and Hadestown<\/em>, one of my favorite musicals. Hades from Hercules<\/em> is actually soooo me\u2014he probably most definitely had a role in shaping my personality when I went through puberty. Love him. Also love Hades from Hadestown<\/em> but in a different way. I don\u2019t necessarily aspire to be like him, but he is sexy and scary and cool, I cannot deny. Both are banger stories with stellar songs, so I don\u2019t mind being correlated with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\nAlso, I picked out this pseudonym before I read Percy Jackson<\/em>. That Hades is cool, too, but don\u2019t be thinking I picked out this name because of those books. Nuh uh, my reasoning is much<\/em> more cringe, as you can see.<\/p>\n\n\n\nBesides what the name means or who it represents, I also just like the aesthetics of it. Five (my lucky number!) letters that all sound exactly as you\u2019d expect. I have a thing against silent letters in words. I actually used to have a vendetta against the letter H because I thought it changed its sound too much. But now I see that changing is fun. H is honestly such a solid letter. It looks cool. It sounds cool. It has a ton of cool words it\u2019s part of. Me and H are besties now. I had a enemies to lovers arc with a fucking letter. Lord. Anyways, the name looks good; it has a good variety of shapes and doesn\u2019t look bad in any specific font. And it sounds\u2026 Strong. Alluring. Powerful. Serene. Like an open body of water on a cool, dark night, or the silence that comes after a harsh snowstorm. That\u2019s Hades.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because of its origins, it\u2019s obviously more of a masculine name, but when you tie it to a person like me, it transforms, don\u2019t you think? It stops being a boy\u2019s name or girl\u2019s name, and starts to sound more like a hymn. It becomes a ritualistic chant used to call upon some old and grand power.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I picked Hades as a pseudonym years ago. I don\u2019t remember when exactly I did, nor what prompted me to come up for a pseudonym, but I just remember thinking that if I were ever to become famous, I\u2019m not sure I\u2019d want to use my legal name. I remember thinking through all these reasons and liking the name a lot, but what really made me pick Hades was this one view of the god that connected him to change. It\u2019s a rare perspective, but it stuck with me. What is death if not change? Death is transformation, and I am a shapeshifter. I am Hades.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hades also means \u201cunseen\u201d and \u201chell\u201d, so I guess there\u2019s that too. That\u2019s fun. He\u2019s known to be wealthy, too, because, like, jewels and ores are underground, which he\u2019s the king of. So\u2026 Money money money.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Just to reiterate, Hades is a pseudonym. I\u2019m still Luna. Just think of it as a nickname, and my writer name. It\u2019s official: Bite and Bark<\/a><\/em> is a Hades original. #FanficTitleReveal. I have a pseudonymous last name too, but that\u2019s not important right now. We\u2019ll get to that some other day.<\/p>\n\n\n\nWait, if Hades is my writer name does that mean this<\/em> is also a Hades original? Gulp… much to figure out.<\/p>\n\n\n\nAs for my other projects, I\u2019m hoping to get the White Boy Awards out by next weekend. I have one last part to film and edit, and then the final touches, which all shouldn\u2019t take long. I\u2019m praying it doesn’t take long\u2026 THE F1 video is in production hell. I\u2019m sorry, guys, but hey, I don\u2019t like it either if that makes you feel better. I accidentally made it wayyyyy too detailed, so I think I\u2019m going to dial that back a bit so I can try to get the ball rolling on it again. I just want to make sure you guys understand everything I tell you in that video, but it\u2019s so hard to do that without getting into decades of lore. Yeesh! I WILL get it done before the start of the 2025 season, and that IS a threat. To myself. And the forces that prey on my downfall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I lowkey don\u2019t even want to watch the Super Bowl tomorrow. Mannnn fuck the Chiefs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n
\n
friend’s cat, Apple, thinks shes a shoe<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n\n
speaking of shoes, stitch in his booties<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Many thoughts. Many, many, many, many, many thoughts. I guess I\u2019ll start with addressing the fact that this post is late. If, for some reason, this is your only way of keeping up with me, you may have thought I was dead. Fear not, I am alive, despite the universe\u2019s several attempts to kill me. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1335,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1331","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/longstoriesshort.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1331","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/longstoriesshort.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/longstoriesshort.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/longstoriesshort.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/longstoriesshort.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1331"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/longstoriesshort.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1331\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1359,"href":"https:\/\/longstoriesshort.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1331\/revisions\/1359"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/longstoriesshort.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1335"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/longstoriesshort.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1331"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/longstoriesshort.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1331"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/longstoriesshort.blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1331"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/longstoriesshort.blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/lashes-1-765x1024.png\")
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/longstoriesshort.blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/Screen-Shot-2025-02-08-at-11.21.07-PM.png\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/longstoriesshort.blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/IMG_0056-740x1024.jpg\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/longstoriesshort.blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/apple-edited-scaled.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/longstoriesshort.blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/booties-edited-scaled.jpg\")