Kesha needs to re-release “TiK ToK” because yes! I do wake up in the morning, but NOT like P. Diddy.
Anyhoo. I think I might be the Joker. Because I used to think my life was a tragedy, but now I realize, it’s a comedy. We went from Netflix drama limited series to Nickelodeon movie. The Bear comedy to Friends comedy. It’s like I changed my hair color and I’m a different person, living a new life. I remembered who I was and everything changed. And I can’t even tell you guys why.
Out of respect for other people’s privacy, I shan’t say what occurred this week that has led me to believe I am now living in a sitcom, but trust me when I say, you would believe it, too. Life is just so funny sometimes. And thank goodness! I’ve been needing something funny.
Y’know what actually? So, no, I do not genuinely think I’m the Joker, but I do commonly make sense of my life by putting it in TV/movie terms. Each distinguishable period of my life can be considered a season or a movie; each has its own genre, plotlines, and characters; and I am the main character throughout it all. That being said, while I am the main character of my life, I feel more like a side character in general.
I don’t mean this in a bad way—not in this context. I do feel as if I have control in my life (as much control as one could hope for in a chaotic world, at least), and I know that I am a complex person with deep thoughts and a rich life. Yet, I feel like Abed in that one episode of Community (2009-2015). The one where he helps a lady give birth in the background of the episode, and when he reconvenes with the group, no one brings it up. As a viewer, you might even miss it. That’s me at the moment. I’m having my own grand adventures, but it’s not really the focus of… stuff… so they go under the radar. They’re blink-and-you-miss-it, cool-if-you-catch-it. And then I join with the others, and they have no idea what I just experienced. It’s like I just got out of a hostage situation inside a burning building, and then someone immediately came out to me. And I just go, “That’s great, buddy. Thanks for telling me. Ignore the fact that I’m smoking.”
But I guess that’s everyone, huh? We’re all some level of side character to each other, but, hopefully, main characters to ourselves. It’s just funny to put into words.
I have a bit of a crush brewing. I’m not going to get too into it, because that’s weird, but let’s just say there’s a certain someone in a certain class that makes me feel a certain way. I just realized this this past week, and boy, was I thrilled to discover so. My existential crisis has been put on pause due to some lovely, age-appropriate problems! The deep pit inside my stomach has been replaced with butterflies. My glum outlook on the world is now tinted rose.
Guys… I love love. NOT saying I am in love by any means. Jeez, can you people relax? I’ve known this person for a month and have spoken to them maybe once. Actually, once might be stretching it… Listen, the crush is mostly based on looks, and I will not be made to feel shameful for it! Let me have my fun!
Anyways. Love. Dreamy sigh… If you have spoken to me at all, you probably know that I think love is the reason for basically everything. Love is the answer to life. You live life hoping to find people who love you, and you love back, and you achieve happiness by doing things you love. Easy as that. I am amidst learning philosophical language to better explain this belief, but you better believe that I am refusing to change this belief. Live laugh love for real. I will also not be trying to further explain this belief using the bit of philosophical language I know because I am TIRED.
Last week’s blog post kind of exhausted me in terms of writing out all of my deeper thoughts. I need a moment to recuperate. But I will say this about my existential crisis: Yes, it is paused. Partially due to age-appropriate problems, and partially because I willed it to. I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no real way through this crisis. It’s like philosophy and religion and stuff. There is no correct answer, there is only the answer you are content with. This concept sucks bootyhole for someone who likes when problems have clear and definite solutions like moi, but hey. Such is life. So I’ve reworked my way of thinking about this crisis; instead of working through it, I am now trying to work my way out of it. Find an answer that helps me relax right this second, instead of finding an answer that will forever and always help me. Although, I guess I sort of have the answer to both, right? It’s just a matter of figuring out how I can use love to get me out of this mess. Well, I guess it’s actually already doing so with the whole crush thing. See? Love is the answer, I’m telling you. Just need to continue to tell myself that, I suppose.
My brother and I have continued watching Lost (2004-2010). I love Lost so much. We only just began season three, so please no spoilers, I beg thee. This is one of the very few big, famous mystery shows/movies that I don’t know how it ends, and I am loving trying to figure it out. Everything is so confusing, yet so much makes sense. So many pieces fit together, but I have no idea what picture they’re trying to make. And with every part of the mystery we solve, another three unsolved parts seem to be created—the puzzle keeps getting bigger. The show’s starting to get more convoluted, a bit more wacky, and I am still loving it. I’m invested to know what the hell is happening, and I’m hopeful that we’ll at least get some satisfying answers to the questions the show keeps posing.
Locke is my favorite character because his whole prodigal son thing is so bizarre and intriguing, but a lot of the characters are just as so. I love Hurley because of the numbers; Jack because of his involuntary, yet accepted leadership role; Kate because what did she do?; Sun and Jin because of their past; Sayid because of his skill; and Sawyer because… Well, what’s not to love about Sawyer? My brother described him as a cat—he cares about people, but shows it in an unconventional way. His way of speaking is so funny, and he’s just constantly a little shithead. It’s too good. Plus, he’s incredibly easy on the eyes, so bonus points. If I didn’t mention a character, it is because I hate them. Kidding, but if I didn’t mention them, they’re unfortunately not one of my favorites. Shoutout Boone.
I want to write fanfic so badly. I feel that it would be good writing practice, and that I would be good at it. If I am anything, I am an egotistical bastard with a creative urge. My problem is I have no idea what to write about. Contrary to everything about me, I have never really been a fanfic reader. Only through cultural osmosis am I one. I’ve just never gotten the desire of wanting more/something different from a story. Well, I have, but never strong enough to need to search for or write something to fulfill that desire. Really, I think I’m just lazy. I’m sheeple, accepting what I get whether or not I like it instead begging to ask for better. Wow, I am dramatic.
I’m considering doing a “Minecraft Movie, But Good” story, because that goddamn Minecraft movie looks like absolute shit. And it pisses me off! Minecraft is an incredible game capable of being beautiful, terrifying, stupid, fun, heartfelt, melancholic, and everything in between. There are soooo many interesting and emotional takes they could have gone with this movie, and yet they picked the most heinous one. Not to mention the visuals are disgusting! Yuck! I love Minecraft, and ever since seeing that god awful trailer, I have been thinking about how I would’ve made a movie about it, so I have some ideas that could be good for a fanfic. Potentially.
I also think I could write a decent fanfic about Pixar’s Cars. LOL. I think I could easily take the story of the first movie and make it into a cute human AU. This idea is less original, but could still be fun to work on.
Monster High could also be a good story. I think I could make a cute story about the ghouls. I’m not exactly sure what about, maybe just an AU about how they all met, or I can make up a little adventure for them to go on. I know the characters enough to make them feel genuine methinks.
My brother suggested House, but I don’t know what that’d be about. I wouldn’t want to write about a medical case, and I couldn’t write about Hilson because, like, what more could I say about that? Enough Hilson fanfic exists; it’s called House.
My brother also suggested A/B/O, but then retracted that statement because, “Once you start writing that, you can’t stop.”
Yeah, I can’t start straight out of the gates with anything like that. Honestly, I don’t even think I could start with anything heavily romantical. Not all of fanfic is romantic, I know that, but I also know that a lot of the popular ones are. But I’m not ready for all that, I need to build my skill before we get to that level.
Unfortunately, I also don’t think I’ll be starting with F1 fanfic. Remember, good things come to those who wait. Hopefully.
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