I’M A FUCKING IDIOT. TWILIGHT. THAT’S WHAT I SHOULD WRITE FANFIC ABOUT. DUHHH.
I already have the perfect concept. Actually, I have a couple, each involving making Edward cooler. Edward is my original “favorite character who I hate.” I don’t even know if I would call him my favorite character of the series, let alone in life, but I am trauma bonded to him. He’s like a son to me. A father figure. My first friend. My enemy. My right hand arm man. My silly rabbit.
My ideas include either making Edward way more deadly and scary or making him gay as balls. Some of my favorite parts of Twilight are when Edward really wants to kill Bella, and whenever Edward and Jacob interact. I joked that I would start shipping them out of spite because both Team Edward and Team Jacob were annoying me. I could stop making it a joke. Wink wink. Honestly, there’s no reason I can’t both make Edward more dangerous and make him gay as balls. Well, let’s be honest here. Bisexual as balls. Let me pitch this to you: Twilight but it’s from Jacob’s perspective, Edward never gets over his temptation to kill Bella, and then they fall in love. That’s a bestseller right there.
Obviously, I’ll flesh it out, but I think this could be good. And by good, I mean fun. My brother basically knocked every fanfic idea I wrote about last week, claiming, “If you want to write genuine fanfic, these won’t end up that way. These will be crackfics.” Firstly, I disagree, but whatever. Secondly, yes and? What if it does end up being crackfic? Listen… Just because something is eccentric does not mean it is not genuine. Comedic stories are capable of being heartfelt. Some of y’all are just too polarized to get that.
But yeah, I think this could be good. I have a lot of material to work with; Jacob has a whole section of Breaking Dawn where he’s the narrator, so I already have an idea of his voice. Edward does have a whole book where he’s the narrator, but I do not like that book. I haven’t even finished reading it, it’s so boring. Also I hate him. No but, I think Jacob’s POV is a bit easier to write from, and it will add to the scary elements I want to give Edward. I’m telling you, this could be fun!
The rest of this blog post is going to be me talking about all the stuff I’ve watched this week, sprinkled with weekly anecdotes. But before I get into that, allow me to share this: I am undergoing a slight gothification. Ever since I dyed my hair red, I have been trying to look the part. I’m wearing more black and darker lipstick, trying to elicit the mysterious, spooktacular feeling. I don’t know if this is just a seasonal (Halloween) look, a seasonal (red hair) look, or if this is my new look. I guess we’ll see.
You know actually, it’s funny. Every time I put on an outfit, it never really feels like my outfit.
Uh oh, this could get deep. Let’s be cautious, now…
I’ve said this before, to my friends and my therapist and my university’s Honors administration (it was part of my application), and I’ll say it here now: My outfits always have some underlying story. Sometimes it’s closet cosplay, but often it’s something along the lines of faking it till I make it. My outfits are expressions of me, yes, but they’re also what I imagine a Parisian model to wear, or a woodland elf with birds in her hair, or a college kid going to school. It always feels like my take on something—like, my take on goth—rather than… just… something.
Huh. Wonder what that means. I think it just has to do with change. Y’know, I feel like I’ve been in an identity crisis for forever, but nowadays I’m starting to think maybe unstable/unsure identity needn’t be the reason for a crisis. We’re always changing, aren’t we? Some fear about it or push against it may be okay to an extent, but too much of either can’t be good, I don’t think. The only thing is, if my constant state is change, can I ever feel comfortable in my own skin? That’s kinda the root of conflict in all my queerness, Mexican-Americanness, and overall personality-ness. How can I live in the in-between if the whole world feels so polarized? There’s that word again—polarized. I am the one gray fish in a sea of black and white.
If I had a superpower, I’d pick shapeshifting. I would be able to be whoever or whatever I’d want at any given time, yet I’d still be, undisputedly, me.
But then again, I guess I am a shapeshifter to some end. It’s just my clothes that change instead of my body. I like that. If my constant state is change, then I feel comfortable by changing. It’d be silly to tell a shapeshifter to remain the same.
That being said, the Joker IS me.
If I had a nickel for every time I got weirdly attached to a sequel movie about a clown, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.
Here’s the deal: I watched Joker: Folie à Deux (2024) with friends on Monday. What a movie. You may know me enough to know that I have an interesting taste in movies. I like bad movies, to put it bluntly. Bad to some, wonderful to me. There’s a very fine line between things I ironically love and unironically love, and many of my favorite movies dance around it. Actually, it’s more like a graph, with ironic/unironic being the x-axis, and love/hate being the y-axis. Many of my favorite movies hang around the center. I’m not sure “favorite” is the right word. Movies that are a part of me for better or worse is a better way to describe them.
Joker: Folie à Deux, henceforth called Joker 2, is not what I would describe as a good movie, but it wasn’t infuriating enough for me to hate it. It was a good bad movie, in my opinion. It’s stupid, but not utterly annoying, and interesting enough to keep you engaged.
I’ve been listening to the songs since watching. I wanted to give them—cough, Lady Gaga, cough—a chance outside of the movie. Unfortunately, they are not the best. Gaga said in an interview that she “unlearned how to sing” for Joker 2 and oh boy. You can tell. Her skill is definitely still there, but so much of her singing on the soundtrack just makes my voice hurt. Specifically, her whisper singing. There’s too much goddamn whisper singing in Joker 2. I like the crescendo a lot of the songs have, but hey, how about we switch it up a bit so all the songs don’t sound the same? There are 3.5 songs I like; 2 of which I like more without the visuals, 0.5 of which I like less without the visuals.
“For Once in My Life” and “(They Long to Be) Close to You” are the songs I like more without the visuals. The former has exquisite brass, and I really love Joaquin Phoenix’s vocals in the second half of the song. The latter is simply very beautiful.
“The Joker” is the 0.5 I like less without the visuals. I think the scene with the song was somewhat cringey, but it made sense with the story. If I was a Joker-head, I could see myself clapping and cheering for the scene. The Joker is literally him, guys. Without the visuals, you realize the song is missing something. My friend said she wanted Phoenix to belt at the end, and I want that now, too. It’s the crescendo again, but for this song, I wished it didn’t end with a descendo like some other ones did. Once I realized Joker 2 is a jukebox musical, I tried finding a version of “The Joker” that did give me what I want, but I have yet to find one. I want the crescendo, a big finish, and the blaring brass. Gimme gimme gimme.
“If My Friends Could See Me Now” is my favorite song from the movie. It is so much fun; it makes you want to get up and dance! It ends big, too, which is perfect. The visuals were fun, too! Lee and Arthur dancing in the rain as they’re trying to escape Arkham. Immaculate. I am so lucky because Gaga recreated this song on her album, Harlequin, and it’s just as good (unlike her “The Joker” rendition…), so yes I did add that to my likes.
Overall, I think this movie had potential, but they fucked it. The Joker representing himself in court could’ve been so good. Harley Quinn being Joker’s ultimate fangirl could’ve been so good. A Joker sequel that’s a musical with Lady Gaga starring as Harley Quinn could’ve been SO GOOD. AND YET. We got schlop. I think one of my main issues with this movie is that it is a Joker sequel.
Fellas, I did not like Joker (2019). (Friend who loves Joker, look away.) I can’t even say it’s because I like the Joker when he’s more evil for evil’s sake because I like Heath Ledger’s Joker. I think it just didn’t feel believable to me. Ain’t no way some dude killing some people would unintentionally spark some revolution. Not in that context, at least. You see, I believe Paul Dano’s Riddler in The Batman (2022) because he uses his resources (i.e., streaming) to cultivate an audience, and this audience were framed as the freaks they are.
The Joker is three things, in my opinion: First, I believe the Joker is a villain. Sometimes his motives are something you might agree with, but the actions are almost always not. Second, the Joker is powerful. In every iteration I know, which granted, isn’t a lot, the Joker is either working with someone, or has people working for him. He’s clever and dangerous, which makes people afraid of him, and gives him power. Third, the Joker is funny. Whether it be goofy funny or dark humor funny, he’s funny. Arthur Fleck Joker is none of these things.
In Joker, they make him the face of a revolution, which whether intentional or not, leads the audience to think the movie is portraying him as a hero. And when you try to make the Joker the hero in a way that isn’t like, “I have to save the world from this more dangerous threat, so I can destroy it myself,” you ruin it. You look stupid, even. Despite being the face of a revolution, Arthur Fleck has negative power. The whole time you feel bad for this miserable, miserable man. I guess he gains power throughout the movie as he kills more people, but then he loses it all in the sequel, so it doesn’t really matter, does it? And Arthur Fleck is not funny. That’s literally one of the reasons he becomes the Joker. Three strikes, you’re out, buddy. His ass is NOT the Joker.
Oh! Also! Secret fourth thing that makes the Joker the Joker: Batman. I know Bruce Wayne is in Joker, but he’s not even an orphan when they meet, so what’s the point? None of the writers watched The LEGO Batman Movie (2017) and it shows. Those bitches need each other. Joker and Batman are co-dependent, mama. Sure, Batman exists without the Joker all of the time, but does the Joker exist without Batman? Arguably, not in a way that matters.
Despite these complaints, I have dressed up as a servelicious Arthur Fleck Joker many times at this point, and will continue to whenever the occasion calls for it. This time was for my brother’s and cousin’s joint birthday party.
I’ve already talked too freakin’ much about the Joker for my liking, so I’ll try to make this short. Essentially, I bought green hair spray without reading the fine print, later read it and realized I can’t use it on dyed hair, so then I decided to go to the costume store right outside of my campus after my classes. Only I forgot my wallet and didn’t have Apple Pay, nor did I know if the costume store took Apple Pay… or even had green wigs. But as luck would have it, I was able to get Apple Pay without having my card on hand, which the store did indeed take, and I found a cheap green wig at the store. Yippee!
Dressing up as the Joker is so funny, dude. I recommend that everyone do it at least once. It gives you certain freedom to be goofy and cringey at the same time. And it’s such an easy costume, too—no matter the iteration, honestly. Oo… Actually, Jared Leto’s one is a bit more difficult because of the tattoos. But ain’t nobody want to be Jared Leto’s Joker.
I won the impromptu costume contest held, so it was worth spending copious amounts of money. W.
I’m finishing up House season 6. It’s been an interesting one, seeing as it began with House at a psychiatric facility with Lin Manuel Miranda as his roommate there. The rest of the season wasn’t that wild, but the team members we’re ending with is a bit of a welcomed surprise.
Slight spoilers. If you care, skip to the next paragraph. I have to say it: I do not like Carmen. I did back in the first few seasons, but she is beyond played out. We get it, you’re a good person who cares about people, blah blah blah. If you’re not willing to make dubiously ethical and possibly immoral decisions, get your ass out of my operating room! Also, her and Chase’s relationship felt so bland and needless to me. I never really understood why they got together, let alone married. It barely even felt like those two liked each other! Good riddance for their divorce! Now, Carmen’s gone and Chase is back on the team. You love to see it.
I started watching the new season of Love is Blind with my mom. It’s okay. Whatever. I bring this up because guys, if I don’t get married by my 30s (exact age to be determined), I will be going on every love competition/reality show under the sun. I don’t want to experience what they’re like, but at the same time, like, I need to. I need to know. Put me in those damn pods already. No, really what I want to experience from Love is Blind is the reveal. Can you imagine what that feels like? I must know. Apparently, I am an adrenaline junky but only for non-near-death experiences. Makes sense given I feel anxiety when literally nothing is happening. And that’s why I go to therapy!
There is an F1 race the day I am posting this. The Austin Grand Prix!!! Ahhh!!! I’m so excited!!!! There hasn’t been a race in a hot minute and there hasn’t been a race I could watch in an even hotter minute. The Austin GP is a lot of people’s favorites, and it’s in the western hemisphere (duh), so it is simply oh so perfect for little old me. I get to a good race at a decent time? YAY!!!!!!
A lot of fans are upset this GP because it’s the first one without Daniel Ricciardo, and to add salt to the wound, this was his favorite GP. So many people are saying, “I fear Formula 1 will never be the same.” …We do not care. Personally, I think F1 will manage just fine without him. I know I will. It’s probably because I’m a new fan, but I do not get the Danny Ric hype. He’s likable, but lovable? To this extent? I don’t know, guys… I’m lucky because all of my favorite drivers are shoe-ins for the time being—they’re secured seats for the foreseeable future. Once Lewis Hamilton retires, then F1 will never be the same. I actually don’t even want to think about that possibility. I’ll cry.
Oh my god. I’m watching the qualifying at I edit this. Hamilton just got P19. Oh I could cry.
Hold up, will my Twilight fanfic end up being A/B/O?
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