I’m not even going to lie to you, the reason for no blog update two weeks ago was because I forgot. Oops! It was, like, midnight on Sunday by the time I remembered, so I just decided to count my losses and move on. So. Moving on…
THE F1 video is finally fucking out. Holy shit. I’m not even joking, that thing had me in a serious, incapacitating chokehold. For the past month or so, I spent half of my free time working on that damn video and the other half recovering from it! Talking to a camera for four hours straight is not kind to one’s throat, nor is editing for hours on end kind to one’s eyes, sanity, or computer. Finally, I am free from the burden and my computer is no longer moving at 2 frames a minute. Life is good.
You would think that I’d be sick of F1 from it, but nope! I’m actually deeper into it than I’ve ever been. I am the master of getting absolutely obsessed with something for no reason other than it’s fun, and F1 is a prime candidate for this! Sports in general are, but F1 especially because it’s just one thing to keep up with. There’s no playoffs and divisions, just one (well, two, but whatever) championship that everyone competes for at the same time from the very beginning. Watching it is not much different from watching a reality TV competition show, honestly. THIS is Drag Race.
If you haven’t watched the video, I implore you to. First, please, I spent so much fucking time on it. Just watch a few minutes, I beg. Second, I think I’m funny. Occasionally. Honestly, the beginning (“Glossary-ish”) is a bit boring, but it’s necessary to understand the rest of the video. But good news! I posted the slides on my Instagram if you want to just read those and skip to the good parts. Third, F1 is interesting! Give it a chance, c’mon! Fourth, I will continue to talk about F1. Now is a good time to get yourself acquainted with some key terms and the drivers and stuff, so that you’re not confused in the future. I’m doing this for you, actually. <3 I’m so generous. But if you don’t care about F1, don’t watch it, I suppose. Ain’t no one forcing you at the end of the day. Yet.
Now that that video is done, I plan on focusing on Bark and Bite more. I am so gosh darn close to finishing chapter two. I only have the final scene to write, send to my beta reader, and bada bing bada boom. We’re golden. It’s currently about 1,000 words more than chapter one was, so there’s that to look forward to! I think the people will like this chapter more, partly because there’s more to chew on (no pun intended), but also because it really kicks things into gear. We’re not quite going yet, but all storylines (eh, except maybe one) have had their foundations set, so we are just about ready to get to the good stuff!
Lowkey, I’m nervous about getting to the good stuff. Here’s the thing… I have the main parts of the story locked down. I know where we’re heading because I thought of that scene eons ago and it literally compelled me to write the story. But there are still so many unknowns. Chapters three and four are going to be bitches to write because they are rising actions. There’s definitely bits of them I’m looking forward to writing about, but for the most part, I haven’t thought too much about them because, in the grand scheme of things, they’re probably not going to be the most interesting parts of the story. I’m doing a great job getting you excited to read them, huh?
No, listen, they will be interesting because, hey, I’m writing them. Facts are facts. Time for some self-praise: I am a decent enough writer to make engaging stories even if they are not of the most interesting substance. It’s probably why you, dear reader, like to read my blog. Not every blog post is the most inspired, yet you read them because you like my diction, or my tone, or maybe just me and enjoy supporting my creative endeavors. (Thanks, by the way.) So you will enjoy whatever boring-ish chapters come our way because I will make sure of it! We will get through these dark times! I demand it!
I have started four new classes. I think I have talked about this in a previous post, though I can’t remember when, and even if I did, let me refresh the masses: I picked these classes with extreme intent. I usually pick my classes based on schedule, credits, and interest, but this time around I added a fourth criteria along the lines of “theme.” Every quarter, my academic life and my personal life intertwine beyond belief. Quarter one, my classes were all about identity, which prompted an identity crisis I continue to have to till this day. Quarter two was a bit of a grab bag, mostly because the majority of my classes I was just taking because I had to. My writing classes were tastes of potential futures; my popular romance class forced me to think about love more; and my warlords class made me think about history, politics, and war. If I had to label quarter two as one theme, I suppose it would be “interpersonal relationships.” One of my writing classes taught me how to use writing to communicate in the professional world, while the other taught me how to work with other people to mentor young writers. My popular romance class taught me about different romantic (and some platonic!) relationships. Then, my warlords class taught me how to mediate difficult conversations with complex people. You have no idea how useful war strategy can be in one’s daily life!
So far, every connection between my academic and personal lives has been mostly accidental. I say mostly because I’m sure there’s some subconscious factor screwing with my decision making when I choose my classes. But this quarter, I decided to make it purposeful. I thought that if my classes are going to reflect my life and vice versa, may as well make sure they are fun ones. Naturally that means I have landed myself in some psych courses. Whoop whoop!
The first psych course I have is on social psychology, which according to my notes is the scientific study of how individuals think, feel, and behave and how it is influenced by the actual, implied, or imagined presence of others. Emphasis on individuals. If you’re interested in how groups act in or are oppressed by the systems they are in, look to sociology. Social psych is all about singular people, how they think, what they are influenced by or may influence, and the type of relationships they have with certain people.
In terms of the theme of this quarter, I chose this class to further my knowledge of interpersonal relationships as I desperately need some context to put my own in.
The second psych course I have is on human sexuality. Dun, dun, dun! Again according to my notes, human sexuality is all of the sexual attitudes, feelings, and behaviors associated with being human. It does not refer specifically to a person’s capacity for erotic response or to sexual acts, but rather to a dimension of one’s personality. It’s somewhat of a messy, confusing, and perhaps too broad definition, but so is sex. Which, if you’re wondering, my class has defined as, “Whatever you need it to be!” Because the answer to the question, “What is sex?” varies among people and across time. There’s no One True Sex, so there’s no One True Definition of Sex. I would say this class is basically like a Sex Ed+ if that helps you understand what we’re learning about at all.
My reasoning behind this class is a bit more complicated. Simply put, I chose this one for the sake of interpersonal relationships as well, but also for the sake of identity. I mean, it’s part of the long-winded definition, innit? Human sexuality plays a role in one’s personality. Ultimately, I want to explore how it does for me and what that may mean for the future (and present?) relationships I may have.
My non-psych courses this quarter include one called “Pride and Protest,” which is a multiculturalism history class on the LGBTQ+ Movement, starting from the 1960s until today. The other course is called “Writing in Censorship,” and is an online course on how censorship is employed and enforced in the writing world, whether it be implicitly or explicitly, and ways we can work under, with, or against it.
I chose both these classes for identity purposes, because what am I if not a queer writer? I also chose these classes with a touch of gird-your-loins mentality. Basically, I wanted to take these classes while I can and hopefully learn some useful knowledge that might become vital within the coming years. Right, right, right.
As you could see, the overall theme that I have tried to cultivate this quarter is one of both identity and interpersonal relationships. It just makes sense to combine the earlier two themes of the year, don’t you think? It makes for a nice conclusion. I would hope so, at least. I know my identity crisis won’t suddenly vanish, nor will my relationship trouble magically unfurl, but I want to progress. I need to learn and experience more so that I can get out of this unfulfilling stint I’ve been in. Don’t need to leave it miles behind, but getting a foot or two away from it would be swell.
Even though these classes are just about topics that have notoriously caused me stress in other classes, I believe that their differing approach will make it more bearable. Or at minimum more exciting. I am utterly bored of everything. My life is simultaneously so understimulating and very overwhelming, which leaves me sick of it all. It’s why I’m so eager for change. My hope is this these new lenses will tell me something I don’t already know, which, regardless of if it ends up useful or not, will at least be interesting to learn about.
I’m tired. How has it only been eight months since the start of the school year? Since the start of this blog? If it hasn’t been clear, my life has been going up in smoke since the moment I published my first post. Well, it’s been going up in smoke since long before that, but we don’t need to get into that. As far as the archives are concerned, I didn’t have a life before September 13th, 2024. It’s been much harder than expected keeping this up, especially since my winter break started back in November, which happened to coincide with an atrocious historical event in U.S. politics and the climax of my mental downhill. There’s so much to do, and I don’t want to do any of it.
More specifically, though I am choosing to remain delusionally optimistic about my workload this quarter, it is apparent that regardless of the level of difficulty or amount of work I am dealt, I will need to focus hard on it. I’m in classes outside of my major and/or comfort zone, which means I have to use a bit more energy than I would in a usual class to ensure I get the grade my scholarships require. As much as I dislike the phrase, it must said: We gotta lock tf in. You know, saying “we” instead of “I” and “tf” instead of “the fuck” makes it less annoying to me. I imagine the commander of a spaceship sending it out a message to their crew as the ship is on the brink of explosion. Like, imagine flashing red lights, a loud ass alarm, people running around like headless chickens, then a sudden, “Attention all crew…” being played on the intercom while being displayed on a screen somewhere. They all stop to read and listen. Then, the commander carries on with, “We gotta lock the fuck in.” Except “the fuck” is just displayed as “tf.” That’s funny, c’mon. Language is so silly.
Besides school assignments, I also have work-work to deal with and some more scholarships to apply to. So all this to say, I am going to try to keep up with my biweekly posting schedule. I am, I swear. But unfortunately, the blog is not my number one priority right now. Frankly, it’s not even my number one leisure priority. That would be BnB, which I’d much rather be writing more than this very post, honestly.
Listen, my life is boring right now, and I already alluded to how boringness is not the best to write about. But we’ll get through it. We will. The good stuff is yet to come.
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