I’m Waxing Poetic About Fanfiction

The fanfic writing has officially begun. WOOOO!!! I’ve actually gotten so into it that I didn’t even want to pause to write this. I’ve gathered enough research, as well as made enough preliminary decisions about the story and characters that now I feel comfortable finally writing, and my goodness is it fun!

As I have mentioned in other blog posts, my research has been conducted to figure out if Jacob should continue to be Native American or if I should make him Mexican American instead. It has consisted of reading many wikipedia articles, a couple museum webpages, and some personal essays by those relevant to my studies. Based on what I’ve found, I have decided to make him Mexican American as there is an extremely high percentage of Mexicans in Forks, Washington, and there is a reasonable enough way to link his werewolfism to Mexican culture. From what I’ve found, there’s not an exact werewolf in Mexican history, not the type I’m needing at least, but there are shapeshifters and brujería (witchcraft), which I think I can use to make a nice story. Ultimately, I’ll still be warping culture to fit a narrative, but I feel less bad if it’s my culture, y’know?

It’s weird. Doing research for this stupid fanfic has forced me to think about my identity some more. Why am I surprised? Life is funny. You learn the most valuable lesson in the most stupid ways.

Labels and I have never been the most compatible. It took me a while to figure out my labels, in every sense of the word, and half of the time I still think they’re not exactly exact. I don’t feel that here and now is the time and place to fully get into it, but in terms of what my fanfiction research reminded me about… Am I even Mexican American? I was born and raised in America. I’m accustomed to American culture; I live it out. But I was raised by Mexicans, and live with their culture. Maybe the Mexican lifestyle isn’t as strong in our household as it is in others, but what even is the Mexican lifestyle? My skin is Mexican. My clothes are American. My name is Mexican. My tongue is American. My family is Mexican. My home is American. My brain is tired. My heart is in outer space. Who am I?

Oobleck. I use this word a lot in therapy and in my own headspace to recount emotions, thoughts, and parts of myself that I can’t really describe, yet I still know. I’m Mexican American, or maybe I’m just one or neither; I’m oobleck. I know who I am, but I can’t tell you.

When it comes to my fanfic, I went through a feeling that even if I made Jacob Mexican, I would still be appropriating culture, because for a second there, Mexican culture didn’t feel like mine to use for a story. Maybe it’s still not, but maybe I don’t care. I mean, the aspects that will be used to explain werewolfism are even beyond my parents’ knowledge. My dad only knew a little when I asked him about it; my mom knew nothing. These aspects come from Mesoamerica, something my family is not all too connected to. We don’t talk much about our ancestry beyond my great grandparents, so who knows where we came from, and if Mesoamerican culture is ours at all.

But then comes the idea of learning. Learning where we come from, which I don’t think I’ll be able to do anytime soon, but more importantly, learning about where we may have come from. If I learn enough, and come to appreciate the culture and care for it, then can I call it my own? I think so. That’s kind of just how culture works in general, right? For the most part, your culture is what you already know plus what you come to learn… right? I’m not sure if I’m making any sense.

All in all, I’m worried about representing Mexican and Mesoamerican culture poorly since I will be using aspects of them to create a fantasy (technically) story. I will literally be turning them into monsters, but I hope to do it, like, tastefully? The shapeshifters I learned about were often malevolent, so I think it’s chill if mine are portrayed evilly—hopefully my readers will have the literacy skill to realize I’m not calling Mexicans monsters, I’m just making Mexicans into monsters. Skull emoji. Guys, it’s not a metaphor intended for discrimination, I just like beasts and creatures and wanted representation. Crying emoji.

Besides, Jacob’s Mexican American as noted. This, I have plenty of experience with, even if I sometimes question whether or not those experiences are valid. So I will for sure be able to do that culture justice, if anything. Also, not to give too much away, but the werewolfism is almost definitely going to be a metaphor for identity. I can feel it happening. I foresee it. Me when I use my story to express my personal dilemmas. I might regret saying that later on. Oh well.

Last night, I stumbled upon a goldmine. Cecilia’s 1997 high school senior project on Mexicans and Hispanics in Forks, Washington, uploaded by a local museum. It’s an easy-to-read, yet still very knowledgeable project on exactly what I need, about the exact people, in the exact spot, during the perfect time. Oh, Cecilia, how I love you. I genuinely got emotional as I read through it last night. Granted, it was midnight and I was delirious, but hear me out. Based on his project, Cecilia is likely Mexican American. She’s my mom’s age, only one or two years younger. She made this project for a grade, though she probably also made it in hopes to actually teach people about this demographic that she’s a part of. She probably wasn’t expecting it to end up in a museum, nor on the internet. All she knew was that she needed to make a project, may as well make it about something personal.

Is it normal to get this introspective when writing fanfiction? Don’t answer that.

I’m torn between spilling everything about my plans for the plot of the fanfic and sharing nothing at all. I’ll settle with being vague. Overall, I want to make a story that’s fun, tense, a bit suspenseful, bisexual in spirit, and most of all, entertaining. Even with all my changes, I think a lot of the original story will remain the same, just put into a different context. I think I’m a bit too good with comedy writing. Everything I write ends up twisted into humor even when I try to be serious. I’m worried I won’t be able to pull off some parts I have in mind because I’ll just end up making it funny, but I’m going to do my damndest to be serious. This will likely result in a cringey story. Whether it be good or bad writing and storytelling, I think you, who are used to my lighthearted and silly voice, will cringe at reading my attempt to be sincere and my venture into writing what is essentially a thriller romance. What we all need to do is let go of preconceptions about me and my writing, and let loose. We need to give into cringe and wade in it long enough until we discover the profound authenticity inherently buried within it.

Fun fact about me, I have seen Wicked on Broadway in Chicago three times and once on actual NYC Broadway! I love that show so much. It was the first non-Disney, non-kid show I saw on Broadway, so it will forever be special to me. It started one of my favorite traditions with my mom—seeing a musical every year—and it was arguably what made me fall in love with theater in the first place.

I love megamusicals, also known as blockbuster musicals. Sue me. I love the grandness of it all. All the glitz and the glamour—the extravagance and spectacle. Call me simple-minded if you must, but I like big, shiny things and loud, pretty music. Sue me! Wicked is, of course, all these things, so I, of course, love it! Songs? Eat. Costumes? Eat. Sets? Eat. Choreo? Eats. Story? Eats. There’s no food for the rest of us, Wicked ate it all!

I was apprehensive when I first heard about the movie, but as I thought about it more and as more about it came out, I became neutral, then even got excited! Nothing can compare to sitting in a theater and watching a spectacular live performance, but movies can get pretty close to capturing the feeling! And it sounded like they were treating Wicked as the whimsical, energetic, and BIG show that it is, so I was aching to watch it.

Naturally, since it’s our show, I saw it for the first time with my mom in the Dolby. The second time was a standard showing with my friends because we wanted to see a movie, Wicked was out, I didn’t mind seeing it again, so boom. Made sense. The third time was a surprise. My grandma and brother had said that they wanted to see the movie, while my mom and my friend said they had wanted to see it again, so I killed multiple birds with one giant rock and went to go watch it a third time with them all. This time in 3D! Ooooo! My recommendation if you haven’t seen it yet and/or for part two is to watch it in the Dolby if you can. It really immerses you. The music sends shivers throughout your body, it’s great.

Each time I went, as soon as the movie started, I got teary eyed. That overture literally gave me my Nicole Kidman AMC moment; I got that indescribable feeling when the lights begin to dim. It reminded me of the Wicked dragon and how it lights up when the show begins (iykyk), which is a big reason why I like this movie in general to be honest. It reminds me of the musical that I love. As promised, the movie stayed true to the musical’s grandness and whimsy, giving us a fantastical movie that has the spirit of Wicked. I have some critiques about it as a movie that I’ll get to in a second, but for now know that I loved it as an adaptation of one of my favorite musicals.

Allow me to talk about the cast now. I’m going to be bold and say Ariana Grande was the star of the show for me! That woman was Galinda. I literally forgot she was Ariana Grande; I heard one of her Christmas songs the other day and was like, “Oh yeah, I forgot she’s a pop singer.” The vocals were on point and her physical comedy had me giggling. She was acting. The other star for me was Bowen Yang. He is so hilarious, god, I love him. Whenever he was on screen, my eyes were glued to him. Yes, even when Jonathan Bailey was there. Let’s address the elephant in the room: Jonathan Bailey is so hot. Like, unbelievably so. The man knows how to play a sexy beast, what can I say! And he can sing and dance, too? Whoo, sign me up. “Dancing Through Life” is one of my favorite songs from the musical, and he definitely delivered. The whole scene did, so thank goodness for that. Omg, “thank goodness.” Like from Wicked.

Also, Jeff Goldblum is hot, too. There I said it. Besides being easy on the eyes, he’s just so funny, man. Whenever I have watched Wicked on Broadway, it’s usually a snoozefest whenever the Wizard is on stage, so congrats to him for making the character less boring. Michelle Yeoh did the same for Madame Morrible. The character never was and I fear never will be my favorite, but my god do I love Michelle Yeoh, so I was entertained enough in her scenes. Frankly, I was too enamored by her beauty to care about the plot. Sorry. She’s also hot! Dilf and milf. Who said that?

Finally, Cynthia Eviro. She killed. She killed! She made me like “The Wizard and I” which I previously didn’t care too much for. Each time I saw the movie, I instinctively did silent claps for her after that song. It’s just- she just- wow. Wow! She was a bit demure for Elphaba, I’ll admit, but I’m not sure if that’s her fault more than it is the director’s or writer’s fault. They toned down Elphaba’s annoyingness, I think. She sold me, though, and she sounded great! Although… I don’t think it’s controversial to say her “Defying Gravity” belt is not my favorite rendition. Maybe I’m a hater, but I just think don’t fix what isn’t broken? Can I say that? Is that allowed?

Some more specific Wicked spoilers:

Let me take this moment to talk about “Defying Gravity.” To hold space for it, if you will. (I don’t get that meme. Why have the masses decided it’s funny?) This finale scene unfortunately encapsulates everything I do not like about the movie. For starters, it’s too long. Upon my first watch, I didn’t mind the length even after I saw that wretched “Part One” in the title card, because what do you mean the movie is 2 hours 40 minutes long and it’s only the first act? What do you mean? That’s how long the whole show is. What do you mean PART ONE? But like I said, first time through, I was like, “Yeah, okay, fine, I get why it’s this long. You need to flesh some things out because film is a different medium than theater therefore some aspects need more focus to really sell it to the audience, yada yada, blah blah blah.” But by the third time, I was back to going, “What do you mean part one?!!!?!?!” No, okay, listen… I get why they’ve made it into separate parts, I do, but did it have to be 3 hours long? That’s nuts. You have to admit that that’s nuts. 

Looking at the final scene, “Defying Gravity” has gaps in the musical, but not like these. The song is not continuous as it is on the soundtrack—Madame Morrible cuts in to deliver her speech, Elphaba spells her broom, Glinda puts the cloak on her, and the guards come crashing in. But it’s quicker than it is in the movie. The broom only takes five seconds, and it makes more sense as a MomentTM in the musical because it’s theater magic. The broom flies on its own, gasp! It’s not the same when the broom is CGI. The cloak is barely a moment from my memory. At the very least it’s not a fucking MCU suit-up moment, Jesus Christ. There’s a couple of these moments throughout the movie, where it feels like they’re just going, “Look! It’s the thing from the thing!” Granted, the musical also has some of these moments as some of them are kind of part of the story, but like, we’re smart. You don’t have to linger too long. We know the Wicked Witch of West has a cloak and broom, you don’t need to shine a bazillion lights on it to remind us. Especially when nothing cool happens afterwards. MCU suit-ups are followed up by fight scenes; this one was followed up by one of the slowest, quietest parts of the song. C’mon. Besides this, my least favorite Wizard of Oz cameo was the yellow brick road scene. In the musical, I believe it’s already up-and-running, and if it’s not, they probably choose the color in a throwaway joke because I surely don’t remember it. We didn’t need a yellow brick road backstory.

Let me clear in saying once again that, yes, Wicked the musical is full of Wizard of Oz cameos because it is a Wizard of Oz story at the end of the day, but it differs to, like, the fucking Mufasa prequel in that it’s not utterly reliant on these cameos. The cameos are fun nods to the audience more than they are the reason the story exists, you know what I mean? Wicked the musical exists to tell a story about prejudice, injustice, morality, and relationships—it also just so happens to serve as a possible Wizard of Oz prequel. The prequel bit comes second, but I feel as if the movie prioritizes it too much.

All this to say, these cameos could have been cut out (the yellow brick road scene) or heavily trimmed (the broom and cloak scenes).

We could have also saved some time by not having so many flashbacks. Personally, I did not like the mini Elphaba addition. It doesn’t tell us anything we can’t figure out via other scenes. Actually, it kind of makes some of these storylines worse in my opinion. In the musical, the first time Elphaba’s powers are shown is when she yanks Nessa back from the professor. It’s another theater magic moment because the wheelchair moves on its own, but it’s also just a cool way to introduce us to her. They had that slo-mo reveal of Elphaba, but y’all, that is less impactful if you show us mini Elphaba. Am I the only one thinking that? The mini Elphaba scene also implies that she only cares about the animals because they cared for her, which I don’t think is the point. She cares about the animals because they’re worth caring for, simple as. She sees part of herself in them, both being outcasted, but more than that she simply sees them as worthy of respect. That’s more impactful if you ask me. As for the mini Elphaba bullying, guys, we know. We know she gets bullied. It literally happens every other scene with her. When she introduces herself, she says, “Fine, let’s get this over with,” before rapidly answering FAQs, implying that she has gotten these rude questions so many times before that she just answers them straight away when meeting new people. When will the movie makers realize we’re not as dumb as they think we are!

Another flashback that I think should’ve been cut happened in “Defying Gravity.” I told you, the scene unfortunately encapsulates everything I do not like about the movie! Okay so, why did they replay Madame Morrible’s speech like a minute after we originally heard it? I understand that those cliffhanger scenes were important in setting up the next part, but we couldn’t just have those happen with the first time the speech played? Orrrr just have the speech play for the first time then? I realize you wanted your dramatic “this… Wicked Witch” bit, but you realize you could have still had that even with the cutaways to other characters? Just like, make those scenes shorter. Stop being lazy.

In general, it feels as though they skipped an editing session. They’re still clinging onto certain long ass, boring/cringey ass scenes because they’re like, “Well, no actually we need this scene to make this other scene work or else this storyline is completely disconnected to the main plot!” Okay well… then ask yourself… is this storyline necessary at all? They needed me in that writers’ room.

I gave the movie five stars on Letterboxd each time. I don’t care if it sucks as a standalone movie, at the end of the day it’s Wicked.

WIIIIIICCCKKKKEEEEDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!